Dig it all out.I don't want to feel anymore.

This week has been pretty much hell for me.
CT1 is ending as quickly as it started.
So far,there isn't a paper that make me say "I'll confirm fail" YET.Not even HCL.
It turned out to be easier a little this year.
Many things approaching: HEATS,Milo triathlon,Sports Day,Beijing.
And guess what? I pulled my calf muscle at a time like this.
Fuck.I'm super pissed off with myself.
I feel like just fucking pulling my entire leg out.
I feel so useless.I feel like a burden now with this fucking injury.
It takes me sooooooo long to alight from the bus and walk to the interchange.
I can't even catch up with my friends even when they're walking slowly.
I can even do simple things like climb the staircase properly and walk.
I look just so fucking stupid limping all the way.
Stupid leg.I still want to do sports so please don't be a problem.
Please let me recover soon.

I feel like just fucking digging out my heart and soul.
I don't want to feel anything anymore.
It's so fucking annoying to always be reminded of you and feel sad all over again inside.
I'm sick of this feeling and yet I'm not able to control it.
I'm sick of crying already.
I'm sick of always staring into space and think about you unintentionally.
I shoudn't have befriend you seriously.
Causing so much pain and hurt to me,I wonder if you know it.
I heard something in history today that immediately made me think about you.
The way you feel inside affects yourself physically.
The emotional pain inside is now affecting me on the outside also.
Why did I fucking treat you like a treasure when I was just your trash.
Even after having so many reasons to hate you,I can't bring myself to.

I drown myself in your voice to make me feel better for awhile.To be immune to all pain and for the tears to come naturally.You sang a song called "The Strength to Smile".I hope I'm going to have that soon.