Pretending or genuine?

Sigh,I feel so useless and troublesome today.

Can't walk properly,then all my friends having to keep a slow pace with me/stop and wait for me.I just hate my stupid damn calf.

Going to see doctor tomorrow.Hopefully can recover soon.

I have many things coming up and I'm going to participate no matter what.But I don't want to be limping and slow others down.

I feel like a burden to others.

But somehow,this injury is like a blessing in disguise.

Because of this injury,I actually found out that people actually care about me.

Was so touched today by Nerine.

She went to compass and took the long way home cause of me.And she said something that made me feel touched,shocked and really happy. She said "Even if my bus come,I won't board until I see you board your bus".

This is the first time someone cared so much that they don't think about themselves and actually put me first.

After being so used to having fake friends,it's shocking to know that there's actually people that are not pretending.

Well,I still can't be sure whether their care and concern is genuine or just acting.

I lost trust in everyone now that I even doubt my closest friends.

I feel so pissed with myself.How many times must I tell myself that not everyone is like her?

I couldn't help but think about you today.After that my mood totally went down.

Why can't I just fucking forgot you?!

It's surprising how I could like you when I barely even know you.

It's funny how I used to not pay attention to you at all and now everything I see is you.

When I see you,my heart just beats so fast and I have this weird feeling.

But I hardly even know you,but I'm not prepared to get to know you better also.

So,the thing is: Do I like you or not?

I'm not 100% sure of my feelings yet,so I'll just let nature take it's course and see what fate has in stored for us.(:

Around us, life bursts with miracles—a glass of water, a ray of sunshine, a leaf, a caterpillar, a flower, laughter, raindrops. If you live in awareness, it is easy to see miracles everywhere. Each human being is a multiplicity of miracles. Eyes that see thousands of colors, shapes, and forms; ears that hear a bee flying or a thunderclap; a brain that ponders a speck of dust as easily as the entire cosmos; a heart that beats in rhythm with the heartbeat of all beings. When we are tired and feel discouraged by life’s daily struggles, we may not notice these miracles, but they are always there.